i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
