I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
