Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
