ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
