Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
