i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
