Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
