I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
