so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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