talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
