She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
