I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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