Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
