I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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