so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
