Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize