I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
