how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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