somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize