His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
