How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I think my moral compass just broke
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
