one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
