"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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