have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize