I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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