remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
