told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
my being single is dangerous.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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