did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
sex in a hospital.. check
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
