I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
