Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Randomize
