Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
