Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
