We need to start having sex underwater more often.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize