The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
