A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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