Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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