Please, let me fuck your mom
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
