have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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