he shaved USA in his pubs
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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