STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Two words: blizzard sex
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
