I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
