it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
