how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
