I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
