I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
