I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
God, I missed his penis.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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