Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
