My room smells like vodka and shame
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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