Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
