bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize