Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
