please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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