just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
