I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
