She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
