oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize