some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
