Why does Corona taste like a burp?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
