I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
