I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
