did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
