i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
