just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
