M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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