I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
