So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
